This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I still have a little drunk in my system
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
