I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
