Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
