someone owes me an orgasm
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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