he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
