I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
