Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
