I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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