One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
