So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
