i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize