I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
