is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
