dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you win again, gameday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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