i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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