i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
