I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
