Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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