My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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