Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
