please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
