Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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