Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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