i just google imaged poop.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
