there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
