They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
