Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
