I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
