I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
