Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
