Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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