i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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