FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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