I cannot find my penis.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
