I'm really into asian looking animals
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
