The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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