oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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