just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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