she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
