we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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