hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
