My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
