Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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