We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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