My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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