Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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