you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
