She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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