Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I supernannyed him into submission
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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