I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
