last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
