Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
