dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize