what day is it and did you see me today?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
