she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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