those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
