ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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