I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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