i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
