I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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