You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
